What do you think?
As a career and transformational coach I see familiar patterns in the women I work with all of whom are smart, articulate and capable – yet often get stuck.
As we head towards International Women’s Day I wanted to pause and remind women of some of the traps that we can fall into in our careers and how to navigate your way back out.
One of the biggest traps I see for women is overworking and pulling long hours to become an expert at the job and we are really good at this! Then we become the ‘go to’ person, and who doesn’t like being seen as the expert? It makes us feel valued and worthy being so good at the job, that we get asked to take on all sorts of projects and extra work.
But then after quite some time, we realise that a lot of people around us have moved on, moved up or taken other opportunities and we are still in the same box and it’s getting a little bit cramped now. After quite a long time there is a realisation that others see you defined by the role and you seem happy enough fixing other people’s problems, so they no longer look at you as someone who is moving up. You’re making everyone else’s life so comfortable … and then the feeling of being stuck starts to creep up and you can’t quite seem to find the way out because you have been doing this role for so long.
I also see a sense of misguided loyalty – although an honourable trait – we can often feel we ‘owe’ something to a manager or organisation that has been part of our progression, completely forgetting that it was our skills, hard work and effort that got the promotion.
I hear a lot of women say they ‘got lucky’ or their manager ‘liked them’ and they would ‘hate to let them down’. Well, you get paid to do a job, which if you do it well has repaid your part of the bargain. You don’t owe anyone anything outside of your contracted hours – take pleasure in doing a good job and then know the organisation or team has been given what they require.
This is not your father’s business! Yet you treat it as though it were and that’s why some people can feel so distraught and shocked if they are then made redundant. Business is business. The organisation benefited from your work.
Staying in a role too long is the fastest way to get yourself stuck. Normally, after about 18 months you can do the job almost on autopilot and you have stopped growing, it’s comfortable and the pay is good, so you stay.
Women often can get stuck after coming back from maternity leave, feeling grateful to have a job and needing to feel financially secure now there are children to think of and so they stay. The team is nice and it’s near home and you can work from home when you need to and so you stay. And then 10 years have gone past, and you have moved up a few grades, but your energy and motivation are gone.
Of course, there are the odd, good days when something new and a bit more exciting comes your way but then that passes and you feel stuck again. You battle in your head with all the reasons you should stay and now the thought of applying and interviewing feel daunting, and you start to doubt that you could compete and this tug of war goes on and on until either you are forced to confront the issue or you become so uncomfortable you seek help.
Women often work incredibly hard and expect managers and senior leaders to notice their excellent work, except they are so busy that they don’t. Men are often far better at showcasing what they have done well and their contribution to a successful project or presentation. Women can feel that talking about their achievements, contributions and successes will make them look arrogant or pushy (look up the dictionary definition of both words and check if in a million years you would behave in that way?!).
Owning your work is the first step in leveraging your professional reputation and if you stick to the facts how can you be arrogant? Tell people what you have done, how your work made a difference, and they will start to notice you and your work.
Starting to navigate your way out of being stuck is best not done alone, it’s hard to see into all the corners of what has contributed to you feeling that you have reached your glass ceiling and the longer you stay the more you will start to dip in confidence.
As a coach I have helped a lot of women get unstuck, find more clarity and move on in their careers (some after 25 years of being in the same organisation). I help them create a CV that makes them realise how much marketable experience they have, but you can also find a mentor who is in the position you would really like to get to, to help you navigate next steps.
You can let your network know that you are looking to make a change, if they don’t know they can’t help. Reach back out to old managers or leaders who you got on well with and ask for their thoughts on what may be a great next move for you.
I will be bold and say that it’s rare that you will need to add anything to yourself to progress but more a case of going back and getting who you used to be and remembering how much you have done that will propel you forward.
If you really truly believe that you have reached your full potential, well that’s great but my guess is that you have so much more in you!
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